Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Travel with me back in time...(Wow entry)

In Wowland, our group of heroes like to visit the Caverns of Time to defend events of the past against those who wish to change it. In other words, a core group of us guildies like to run the Culling of Stratholme instance and make fun of Arthas.

So travel with me back to a time when Prince Arthas was a noob who reigned with a marshmallow mace. The instance is actually depressing, but our running commentary on the Prince more than compensates for the dreary overtones.

For those of you who are new to Wow and to those who tolerate these entries, I'll give you a brief history of Arthas and Stratholme. The main character in this story is Prince Arthas, paladin, soon to be king of Lordareon. Uther the Lightbringer is the head of the Silverhand Paladins and mentor to Arthas. Lady Jaina Proudmoore is his, ahem, lady friend. They're not really a couple for complicated, young people drama reasons. During this period of time, the Dreadlord Mal'Ganis unleashed a plague of undeath to turn the unsuspecting citizens of Stratholme into an army of zombies (aka The Scourge). Arthas wants to stop the Scourge at all costs and orders Uther to destroy the people in Strat. Uther refuses and Arthas disbands the order of the Silverhand Paladins and sets about the task of burning down Stratholme and killing the citizens to stop the plague.

Back in the present time, you begin with Chromie, who tells you agents of the Infinite Dragonflight want to kill Arthas before he destroys Stratholme but Chromie believes for better or worse, the timeline must be preserved.

You come in right before Stratholme is destroyed, meeting up with the Arthas, Uther and Jaina.

It is here you get an inkling that Arthas is an idiot. He's got that whiny, chip on the shoulder attitude and he throws a hissy fit when Jaina and Uther refuse to do his bidding.

This is where we come in. We become Arthas' minions. Luckily we are assigned to kill the existing Scourge and not kill the innocent people, which Arthas seems to enjoy a little too much.

We briefly part ways with the prince to kill zombies ala rodeo style and we meet up again with Arthas in the City Hall. This is where the Infinite Dragonflight begin to interfere and you are increasingly tempted to aid them in their task.

Here's a portrait of Arthas.

He looks like an okay guy until you zoom in on his face.

We all think he's ugly, but Prom says it best. Quoting her verbatim. "His face is all fat and the wrinkle between his eyes makes him look like a Cromag."

I said I hated his fat lips and his smug look. Jha makes fun of the way Arthas' hair flips up when he runs. And his mace! It looks like a marshmallow and when you see the way he fights, you begin to believe that it really is a marshmallow.

Then you begin running with Arthas and fighting the Infinite Dragonflight agents and zombies. YOU are fighting, Arthas is noob-pulling. Noob pulling is grabbing one group and rather than fight that group, you run ahead to grab another group, shown here.

This is when the name-calling begins. To me, this is the best part of the game. I came up with "Art's ass". Prom calls him "Noobthas."

Here's a typical conversation during the Arthas portion of the dungeon.

"Well, there he goes, running off again."

"Is he ass pulling again??"

"Lich King my ass. He doesn't even fight the mobs! Look how he just stands there or runs back to his starting point. Dumb ass."

"What a noob paladin. Noobthas."

Recently I took my rogue in and during one of the fights, I inadvertently ended up helping Arthas fight a mob.

"Hey!" I barked accusingly over vent, "You left me alone with Art's ass to fight this zombie!"

"No, I helped...for a second." Mal replied before breaking off into laughter.

"I hate you guys!"

The dungeon concludes with the appearance of Mal'Ganis, the Dreadlord who originally released the plague upon the city. Arthas claims he's going to fight Mal'Ganis...alone. Look, I have proof.
I took a screenshot

This is what I'm looking at as he claims to be the only one fighting Mal'Ganis.

Yeah, the only one Arthas. Mal'Ganis would pawn your butt if we weren't there.

Maybe we should be fighting with the Infinite Dragonflight Agents. They've got the right idea.

Dumb ass.

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