Friday, January 16, 2009

I'm freaking out. FREAKING OUT!

My first scout program is tomorrow and I'm freaking out. FREAKING OUT. Freaking out in the sense that I look at the clock and wish I could fast forward to the time 24 hours from now, long past the event of the program. Freaking out in that I look at my lesson plan and feel panic wash over me as my brain shuts down. The same thoughts are ricocheting around in my brain in the same painful pattern. OMIGOD-there's-so-much-to-remember-what-if-I-forget-all-of-this
-I'm-going -to-look-like-an-idiot-because-my-boss-is-going-to-be-there

which leads to


It's not like I've never created programs in the past. I'm comfortable speaking to people, handling small live animals during presentations and winging it with unforeseen challenges, odd questions and the like, but this is different. Different in the sense that this program had to be incredibly detailed to meet the requirements for a scout badge. I'm not exactly a detailed person. I am mediocre at best in the organization and detail department. My boss, on the other hand, is incredibly detailed. In fact she has filled in a lot of the details that I glossed over or didn't imagine. She is also the other reason I'm freaking out because she scares me a little bit and she's going to be there.

I'm familiar with my lesson plan and script, but I've been so wrapped up the other aspects of this program that I have not devoted time to MEMORIZING it. I went over it this afternoon and wrote an abbreviated cheat sheet. I'm comfortable enough with the knowledge of the insects that are in my program. However, I am not comfortable with all the questions and terms and the order I need to throw this stuff out at the kids. I've been working on this lesson plan for MONTHS. Sadly, I don't expect this program to flow as smooth silk, but I'm hoping once I get going with the kids, all that info that has been stored and refined in my brain will jump forward and I can kick it into gear.

Once I can get over tomorrow's hill, I hope I can look back and say it wasn't as bad as I thought and learn from the program, what worked and didn't work.

Just thinking about it and typing this out is making my stomach queasy.

I think I need to go pace.

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