Hungry!

I  am not a happy camper right now. I've been hungry all day and have had food on my brain. Obsessed you might say. If you haven't guessed by now, today is the first day of my diet. I joined Weight Watchers because I've been steadily gaining weight and haven't been able to shake it off.  Years of Starbucks, sweets, and fast food have taken their toll. I exercised for over a year and did not lose one pound, although I did not alter my diet to lose the weight. That fact was discouraging, but I really enjoyed the class and I felt good about myself. My endurance increased and my muscles gained definition. I loved it. But unfortunately, my knees did not. Despite the precautions and modifications, my knees were in agony, forcing me to quit the class. I have taken a lengthy break from the class, and with my doctor's permission and the teacher's blessing, I hope to return after the first of the year.

I will also say that the antidepressants I've been on are also partially responsible for my weight gain. It's no secret I'm on medication. Most of my friends know I struggle with depression. I'm not ashamed of it. But the side effects of being taken off this medicine to try that medicine have taken their toll and I AM ashamed of the weight gain. I hate it. I hate the way I look.

So I joined Weight Watchers and today was the first day of dieting. I don't know how Weight Watchers can be complicated and easy at the same time, but it is. The IDEA of points is easy, the website is awesome in helping you add up food points. There is even a little box where you can put in the calories, protein, fiber and carbohydrate numbers of  the food item in question and the website will spit back how many points to add to your day. If you don't know the numbers of the food you are about to partake in, there's a good chance it is in the Weight Watchers website. You type in the food description under the search engine and PRESTO, there are the points! What seems complicated to me is all the planning and organization of your meals and snacks. I was planning on making a mexican lasagna and figured it would have a moderate number of points, but there were a lot of vegetables (0 points! You can pretty much eat as many fruits and veggies as you want because they are all 0 points).  WRONG! The spices were 3-4 points A PIECE and the points for the black beans made me cry. My seemingly healthy recipe was a whopping 42 points. I'm allowed 29 points a day and I have 42 extra points I can dip into each week.

Organization is not my strength. I can be organized to a point, but the organization needed for  this diet is going to be a challenge. I rarely plan my meals ahead of time. Lunch and Dinner are more of a daily spur-of-the-moment, "oh this sounds good to me!" type of deal. Apparently I need to change my ways.

I'm also worried this isn't going to work. I mean, I know I should have changed my diet while I exercised, but I still can't believe I did not lose one pound.  I'm not a terrible terrible eater. I don't eat a steady diet of junk. I hope that when I start bike riding (I've heard riding and swimming are easy on the knees) and walking that little bit will be the kick needed to lose the weight. I was also warned that it can be difficult to lose weight while on antidepressants. The medication is a necessity and stopping the drugs is not an option. And of course, weight gain is another side effect of stopping antidepressants. So I'm damned either way.

I will remain optimistic and try my best to keep the whining to a minimum.

But dang I'm hungry.